Ayase Leilani's Blog

When I think of all the worries people seem to find
And how they’re in a hurry to complicate their mind
By chasing after money and dreams that can’t come true
I’m glad that we are different, we’ve better things to do
May others plan their future, I’m busy lovin’ you
1! 2! 3! 4!
Sha-la-la-la-la-la, live for today
Sha-la-la-la-la-la, live for today
And don’t worry ‘bout tomorrow, hey, hey, hey
Sha-la-la-la-la-la, live for today
Live for today

~The Grass Roots​ - Let’s Live for Today

Hello, everyone.  My name is Ayase, but you can all call me Aya.  ^_^  I’m a Japanese-Hawaiian girl from Chūō-ku, Osaka​ and Honolulu, Hawaii​…who just so happens to be beached far away from either of my homes in the Upper-Midwestern part of the United States​ known as Minneapolis, Minnesota​.

I’m a girl and I’m into girls and/or femininity in general.  For gender and sexuality, I use the labels “girl” and “demisexual lesbian” in my day-to-day life.  Pronouns are she/her/hers.

I am an Otaku who gets into all the usual stuff, from videogames to Anime and everything between.  I also love listening to music, driving, cycling, swimming, reading, academics, studying, computers, technology, multimedia, doing handiwork of all sorts, travelling…and more!!

Now, for a bit more detail about who I am:

My life has been a whirlwind of insanity, with some of the most intense of moments happening ever since 2012.  A little more than a year ago, my former fiancée broke up with me in one of the most painful ways possible; I didn’t realise until I was out of her life, but she was a manipulative, abusive sociopath.  I am extremely fortunate to have gotten out when I did, but the damage of her manipulation, abuse and love-bombing had already been done and thus, I struggle with PTSD and myriad other psychological concerns that keep me from functioning normally.  Thankfully, I have the most wonderful of people in my life helping me with this process:  I’m now engaged to the most wonderful girl in the world and we share a beautiful polyamorous relationship with another wonderful girl who is my daily caretaker.  Both my current fiancée and caretaker understand me, cherish me and she remind me every single day why I am a worthwhile person.  I struggle with a terrible guilt complex that I am trying desperately to overcome.

My values are very old-school and therefore my fiancée likes to call me a “Human Time Capsule” (if anybody here has seeen the 1999 film “Blast from the Past,” I am kind of like a progressive girl version of the Adam character):  I believe in family, loyalty, love, science, spirituality, doing the right thing, cherishing one another and being there for one another.  I tend to live purely in the present and take things one bit at a time; I enjoy the idea of daily life.  There is no room for hate and abuse in my world, especially after what my ex did to me.  My values matter more to me than perhaps anything else, making me an extremely sincere and earnest girl, which has provided significant challenges when it comes to functioning in society.

As I alluded to above, I have chronic anxiety and depression.  I am also anorexic and have related health concerns, including physical weakness and poor physical endurance even for the most mundane of tasks.  Due to my challenges, I have chosen the NEET lifestyle.  I am grateful for people in my life who care for me and remind me daily that I am a wonderful person.

I am an old-school soft-authoritarian communist and an extremely devout Shinto Priestess who mixes the influences of Hawaiian Religion and Taoism into my spiritual discipline.  This having been said, I staunchly believe in separation of church and state and believe the future must be a leftist one.

I think that’s pretty much it.  ^_^  If you have any questions, please let me know.  <3